Vicious Cycle of Yelling and Guilt: How to Be a Good Parent

Do you feel like you’re stuck in a vicious cycle of yelling and guilt when it comes to being a mom? It can be hard to break out of this cycle, especially if it has been going on for a while. In this blog post, we will discuss how to break out of the vicious cycle of yelling and guilt, so you can be the best mom you can be to your children.

The first step is admitting you have a problem

"I had no idea that I would have this problem before I became a mom", said my wife, Irin. The overwhelm and exhaustion always got the best of her. She never wanted to be an angry, yelling mom, but every day, around the same time, she would lose it. 

It was always around bedtime, the never-ending bedtime, her frustration would mount until she couldn't control herself anymore. One night after one too many episodes, we took a step back and started thinking about what exactly triggered her each time. Was it being exhausted? Being overworked? Maybe some past trauma in her life?

Why do we yell?

We yell because it is an automated behavior we use when we are triggered.  Did your parents yell at you every time you did something they didn't like? Unfortunately, that created a pattern in your subconscious mind regarding this behavior.

So now every time your child is acting out and exhibiting the same behavior, you lose it as well. You know you shouldn't snap, but you still do.  That's just how our brains work. To change your behavior, you have to break this vicious cycle. But how?

The effects of yelling on our children

A 2014 study in The Journal of Child Development demonstrated that yelling produces results similar to physical punishment in children: increased levels of anxiety, stress and depression along with an increase in behavioral problems. It also reduced the children's ability to think logically. For example, the researchers found that when presented with a word problem, such as figuring out how many books are in a bag if it holds five books at most, those who had been yelled at performed worse on this task than those who had not been yelled at. 

A 2008 study by the National Institute of Mental Health showed that parents' yelling was associated with an increase in their child's fearfulness or worries about being harmed as well as trouble sleeping. In addition, it can lead kids to develop mental health issues such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Breaking the cycle - changing our behavior

The best way to break this vicious cycle is by changing our behavior. It can be done by changing the paths in our subconscious mind, so that the next time we are triggered, we react differently. This change will help you be more in control of your behavior, so you can choose how you want to react. 

It's important to know when you're getting triggered so that you can take a step back and decide what response is appropriate. When you do this, it allows for rational thought instead of emotional reaction. Some ways to identify when your emotions are getting the best of you include physical signs like increased heart rate or shortness of breath, feeling flushed or agitated, tensing up muscles and feelings like anger or fear.

Setting realistic expectations

Start by setting realistic expectations for yourself. Don't expect perfection; expect progress. It's ok if you mess up or don't get it right all the time.

Just make sure that you are taking steps in the right direction. Talk to other moms, join support groups, read self-help books, use MamaZen, or whatever helps you stay focused on improving yourself. It will be worthwhile when your children grow up to be happy and healthy adults.

Nothing changes if nothing changes

MamaZen will help you change your behavior through hypnotherapy. You’ll become aware of negative thought patterns so you can replace them with positive, more helpful ones.

It's important to recognize that this is an ongoing process and with hard work and dedication, you can break the vicious cycle of guilt and yelling and be the mom you want to be for your children.

Don't forget that the most important part of improving yourself is the decision to do it. From here, the next step is to get started and continue on from day to day.

Hypnotherapy is the most powerful and profound tool for changing behaviors quickly.

When you are ready, start your 7-day free trial.

-Jake Y. Rubin

P.S. Only once I started using hypnotherapy on my wife for her mental and emotional well-being at her request, our life completely changed. She stopped yelling at our children and we began to enjoy being parents. The change was so amazing that we had to share it with the moms of the world and that is now MamaZen was born.

Jake Rubin

Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist & Co-Founder of MamaZen

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