I Have No Patience For My Child

No matter how much you prepare for motherhood, it's basically impossible to be ready for anything. If it were, MamaZen wouldn't be here to fulfill all moms’ essential needs for support, empathy, and validation. So, when you're yelling to the rooftops, "I have no patience for my child!" Don't worry, momma, we hear you.

The truth is, nobody prepared you for this--not fully. 

Take a moment to think back to when you were pregnant, from the moment you first found out to THE moment. Now picture all the different snippets of advice well-intentioned friends, family, and even strangers gave you throughout your pregnancy journey. 

You’re Never Truly Prepared for Parenthood

We bet you no one told you you'd be crying and screaming, “I have no patience for my child.” No one reassured you that you'd absolutely lose it over a bowl of spilled goldfish and start yelling when your kid asked a question (for the 100th time). And yet, here you are, in the thick of motherhood, running low on patience and overflowing with stress.

So, what's a frazzled and frantic mom to do in those all-too-frustrating moments? 

You know the ones. When your toddler waits for you to buckle the car seat, start the engine, and leave the parking lot before announcing they have to go potty. Or when your older child declares they don't have homework, only to tell you the following day they have a big test.

“I have no patience for my child! What do I do?”

Before you start yelling or let anger take over, consider these 6 steps to having more patience for your child.

Pick Your Battles

Quite often, our kids present an argument that would stump even the most qualified attorney. Plus, they have unrelenting stamina--which means they never give up--ever. Put these two things together, and you can see how parenting can be exhausting.

Time with your kids presents endless opportunities for debates, challenges, hair-pulling, and head-scratching. You’ll never be able to win every argument; it’s just not going to happen. And if you insist on trying, you can bet you’ll burn out long before your kids do.

So, to salvage your patience, pick your battles. Let your kids win some small stuff, like an extra cookie and not putting away their shoes. 

Turn “I have no patience for my child” into “This isn’t a big deal; I can let this go.”

Save your energy and patience for the more important matters, especially those that pose a safety risk. For example, jumping from the stair landing and going near a pool without an adult.

When you let a few of the smaller things slide, you won't deplete all of your energy stores by 9 AM. If you make this shift, then, I have no patience for my child will turn into having the patience to deal with the things that truly matter.

Lead By Example

Do you ever notice that we tell our kids to stop doing a lot of things that we tend to do ourselves? Things like yelling, getting frustrated with someone, and even sneaking a cookie or two, are all things we don’t want our kids doing. Yet, we do them ourselves, maybe even without thinking twice about it.

It’s a classic case of “Do as I say, not as I do,” and well, it just doesn’t work with kids (or anyone, really). When you have children, little eyes are always watching you, and your kids want to be just like you. 

Your kids hear you when you say, “I have no patience for my child.” Little ears are always listening, and little eyes are always watching.

Show your children different ways to cope with anger and frustration other than losing their temper. When something doesn’t go your way, don’t gripe and shrug it off by saying, “I have no patience for my child.” Breathe and remind yourself that little eyes are watching. 

Need some help reducing anger and increasing patience? We have a Mindpower Session for precisely that. It will help you reset and stay calm during daily challenges. Then, you can display the attitude that you want your kids to have, and guess what? You’ll feel better too.

Consider The Big Picture

Imagine you’re walking down the aisle at the grocery store, and your kid eagerly approaches a snack display. There are boxes of snack cakes piled as high as the eye can see. Of course, your kids immediately start asking if they can have some, and you say no, not today.

In your mind, and a perfect world, your kid happily smiles and says okay. In reality, your child starts to beg, stretching out their words in an impressively long whine, "Pleeeeeeeaaaaaseeeeee, Mommmmeeeeee. I want a snaaaaack." We've all heard it; we empathize entirely.

You try to say no, your child snatches a snack box, and the tower teeters. You start to get embarrassed and frustrated, yanking your child away before they cause any more chaos. 

But as you pull, your determined snack fiend lunges for another box. Bam! The whole tower comes crashing down around you and your red-faced, screaming mini-me. Undoubtedly, you have a red face to match.

“I have no patience for my child! Does that make me a bad mom?” No, momma. It makes you human.

At the moment, this situation probably feels mortifying. You're embarrassed, angry, and all patience has evaporated in mere seconds. You apologize profusely to the overwhelmed employee stocking shelves and hurry to the car, leaving your cart full of groceries behind.

The whole episode took minutes, yet you allowed it to ruin your day--maybe even your week. Instead, try to step back in these chaotic moments and refocus on the big picture. 

How will this one small situation affect your life? Is it going to scar your kid forever? No. Are you never going to go into a grocery store for the rest of your life? Of course not, although you might swear you aren't in the heat of the moment.

In other words, don't let the little things blow so much out of proportion that they block your view of the overall picture. Try to ask yourself--an hour from now, will this matter? 

Relax The Restrictions A Little

Of course, having guidelines and boundaries is vital for children. But, if you put too many in place, you’re bound to make ‘I have no patience for my child’ a mantra. This is because your kids will test you. Always. 

But, here’s the thing, even though boundaries are vital, you also need to allow kids some wiggle room to take some risks. This is a big part of how kids learn, grow, and develop essential skills like problem-solving and reasoning.

Has your motherhood mantra become, “I have no patience for my child?” Time to change that, momma.

Plus, when you set your kids up to make better decisions, you won't feel a need to hover over them constantly. When this happens, you'd be amazed how much your stress level comes down, allowing your patience to stay the course.

Maintain Open Communication

A lot of the things our children do that drive us bonkers are because they're missing something. You might be thinking, “I have no patience for my child.” But your kids are saying they don’t have enough attention or they're lonely, or perhaps they're frustrated because they can't solve a problem. As frazzled parents, we often jump to exasperation and yelling.

But, what if we stopped ourselves before we got steamed up and talked to our kids? Do your kids feel like they can speak to you about things that are bothering them? You can make sure they do this by consistently maintaining an open line of communication with them.

So next time you are saying to yourself, “I have no patience for my child,” think what is your child trying to tell you.

Talk to your kids regularly about their day, school, friends, teachers, the latest toy craze, whatever. The important point is, you not only get valuable insight into your children's lives and feelings, but you show them that you're willing to listen.

So, the next time your kids act out, you can ask them what's wrong instead of turning into a human volcano. Your kids will be more likely to respond more calmly, too. The beautiful thing is, when your kids are calmer, you’re more relaxed, which equals more patience with your children.

Practice Self Care

Finally, momma, and we know it's hard, you gotta take care of yourself. It's an often-said phrase, but it's so true; you can't truly take care of others if you can't take care of yourself. If you pour some more time into self-care, you'll be less stressed, more patient, and happier. And let's face it, a happier mom means happier kids.

“I have no patience for my child, but I know what I need to do to become a happier and calmer mom.”

So, take some time to practice self-love; just a few minutes of listening to a MamaZen Mindpower Session is a great way to start. When do you find yourself saying, “I have no patience for my child” the most? We’d love to hear from you, and we’re here to help.

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