25 Phrases Moms Should Never Hear

When you become a mom, all of a sudden everyone's an expert, but that doesn't mean have to listen.

As moms, we get a lot of "advice" from a number of sources, and most of the time it is unsolicited. We're surrounded by friends, family, other moms, social media, mothers-in-law, our own moms, our spouses, heck, even our own kids, who all seem to have an endless supply of wisdom to bestow upon us when it comes to how we should parent. Well, no matter how good the intentions, there are just some things that are better left unspoken. These are the words that usually end up dripping in judgmental and questioning tones that do nothing to genuinely help us, not to mention they tend to batter down our self-worth instead of boosting it up. 

You've probably heard many of these phrases, if not all of them, from a variety of different people. Sometimes we even get this unwanted advice from complete strangers! What gives?! 

I used to let these types of remarks get to me, and then, little by little I started to realize that these things really shouldn't just be spoken freely to moms. This is because no one reserves the right to judge how you are as a mother. You know what is best for your family and you do the very best that you can. And if sometimes you feel like you lost some of your inner confidence, use one of Mamazen’s Increase Confidence Sessions, whichever one that fits you and your needs, so you can bounce right back into your comfort zone.

Often, when people offer you advice that you haven't asked for, it's because of something they are missing in their own lives, or because they have a narrow-minded view of the world. Of course, sometimes it does come from a place of love; say your mom is genuinely trying to help you, but she doesn’t realize that she is actually really upsetting you and adding to your stress load when she starts to tell you how things were done thirty years ago. It's not your job to figure out why people feel a need to tell you what to do when you haven’t asked for help; it's your job to breathe and focus on you and your family

Everyone's situation is different, and while one thing works well for one family and feels right for one mom; another mom may need to do things completely differently to make it fit with her family's lifestyle. Only you know what is going on inside of your own four walls.

We are here to support each other, moms! We are here to be understanding and encouraging and accepting of all of our fabulous differences and values because we are all unique, diverse individuals with unique and diverse children!

Let's have a little fun. Here are 25 phrases (and counting) that moms should never hear; see how many you've heard since you've joined the ranks of motherhood. 

  • So when are you having another one?
  • They're all that matters now. 
  • Anything that starts with… Are you sure you shouldn't….? or...Are you sure you should…?
  • You're a mom now. You don't get to have a life.
  • You let your kids do that?!
  • I always did it this way.
  • My kids would never do that.
  • You're not planning to go back to work?
  • You're planning to go back to work?
  • How can you go to work when your baby is so young?
  • How can you not want to spend as much time as you can with them?
  • You know, they're only little once, you should be grateful to have so much time with them.
  • Why don't you tell your husband to do some of that?
  • Why are you so tired?
  • I know you're tired, but you know, your husband has needs too.
  • You're a stay at home mom? Your kids are in school though, what do you do all day?
  • Do you work from home? You're so lucky you don't have to have a job! 
  • You're lucky you get to work from home! So, you don't have to pay for childcare, right?
  • If you're at home, why are your kids in daycare?
  • You let your kids eat that stuff? Are you sure YOU should be eating that? The baby weight doesn’t lose itself you know.
  • Your kids watch how much TV?!
  • I'm only trying to help, you don't have to be so defensive. 
  • Trust me, I have 6 kids, I know what I'm talking about.
  • At least you only have one! I have to do it with three!
  • I know exactly how you feel.

If you ever hear any of the above phrases, you have permission to feel a strong urge to slap someone. I honestly believe I heard at least 20 of these phrases within the first several months of motherhood. 

Remember, moms, it's great to tap into the support and wisdom of others, there is a lot that we can learn from each other. However, when it's not sought out, advice tends to come across as criticism masked as being helpful. Don't let what anyone else has to say to you question your awesome ability to be an incredible mom, because that is exactly what you are.

Stacy Randall

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