4 Fool-Proof Steps to Conquer Mommy Fears

Okay, moms, let’s just say it -- being a mom is tough, and feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and nervous is all part of the territory. I love my son; I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it, he makes me laugh every day, he lifts me up when I am feeling down, and he reminds me about what is truly important in life. Of course, there are times he also makes me want to cry, bang my head against a wall, and fantasize about lounging on a remote island somewhere sipping a margarita. The reality is that all of these feelings are a natural part of being a mom; if they weren’t, things like MamaZen wouldn’t need to exist. The sooner we all realize that these feelings of frustration, worry, and exhaustion are normal, the sooner we can deal with them in an appropriate way. 

When we try to push these negative feelings down, instead of addressing them head-on, that’s when they eat away at us and do more damage. Our instinct to avoid these emotions and automatically leap to the conclusion that something must be wrong with us, or maybe we weren’t cut out to be moms, is an instinct that is flawed. It’s a reaction fueled by an unachievable image of motherhood that has been thrust upon us by social media and the lofty expectations that people have of what a mom should be (people, I might add, that are most likely not moms).

All of these expectations and feelings start to mix together and create some legitimate fears. However, we can conquer these fears so that we can focus on what matters most, our well-being, and our kids (notice which one I listed first).

Here are four common mom fears and what you can do today to start putting them to rest:

  • Mom-Fear #1 - “What if I’m not meant to be a mom?” -- Technically, whether you were meant to be or not is irrelevant, because you ARE a mom. But, hey, I get it. I have had this exact thought so many times, thinking that I was going to completely screw everything up. It didn’t matter how many people told me I was a great mom, or that I was just stressed out, I was convinced that there had been some cosmic mistake, and mom life was not meant for me. Listening to MamaZen's Increase Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and Self Acceptance session in the Calmer & Healthier Mommy program, helped me start to realize that I am meant to be a mom, and it is okay if things get hard.

If you don’t know what to do, have no clue how to handle a certain situation, or are faced with a decision that you have no knowledge about, guess what? There is NO instruction manual for being a mom. All moms experience multiple moments where they do not know what to do next. We all have doubts, we all second-guess ourselves, and we all tend to learn as we go; you ARE meant to be a mom because you ARE a mom.

Remember to breathe and tell yourself that YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are exactly the mom that your children need. Build yourself a support group of family members or friends, or maybe find a mom’s group nearby, so you have people to lean on when times get tough.  
  • Mom-Fear #2 - “What if my kids don’t like me?” -- Well, you know what, your kids may not always like you, but they do love you. If you try to give your kids everything they want because you want to be their friend, it’s a recipe for disaster. Kids need direction and expectations and limits; and through these limits, they start to earn and build the important elements of trust and respect and responsibility. Don’t try to be your kid’s friend; be their parent. You are here to teach, guide, and love your children. 

  • Mom-Fear #3 - “What if something happens to my kids?” -- When I first became a mom, I thought something bad was going to happen to my son every second that he wasn’t with me. I didn’t want to hire babysitters, and there were times I didn’t even want to leave him alone with my husband, that’s how paranoid I was. As my son grew older, I started to realize that I needed to be a little more trusting, especially of my family and friends that I had known for my whole life.  

Kids are kids, they are going to make mistakes and stumble. They are going to get hurt. This doesn’t mean you should just let them run wild and free; it’s natural that you want to protect your kids and keep them safe. However, let yourself relax and let go a bit. If you spend all of your time stressing out about what could happen, you’ll make yourself sick.

Your kids learn by exploring and through trial and error. It’s important to recognize when you should be there to catch them, and when it’s better off to let them fall. 

  • Mom-Fear #4 - “What if I end up resenting my children?” -- Many moms fear that they will become so frustrated and bitter about things like loss of social life, feelings of exhaustion and loneliness, and severe anxiety, that they will end up blaming it on their children. I'm not going to hide it, moms, I had many times where I hit rock bottom and thought what if I just got in the car and went away for a while? I think we all have moments where we start to wonder, “What about my life?” 

Then, I started to realize that I was so frustrated because I had completely neglected myself once I became a mom; it was like my identity as I had known it had suddenly been erased and replaced with a new one that was just MOM. If you’re afraid that you will end up resenting your kids, it’s time to re-frame how you look at your personal situation. If you are that much on the edge, then it is time to take more moments to care about yourself; this is why “me-time” is so essential. Listening to MamaZen's Overcome Anxiety and Overwhelm session is a great place to start to do something good for you that can help you start to reduce worry and stress in your life.

Don’t neglect yourself; prioritize your own well-being so that you aren’t running on empty when you are with your children. 

Ready to start conquering your fears, moms? You can do it; just remember that you are entitled to feel all of the emotions that motherhood brings your way, both the good and the bad. They are YOUR feelings, which means, you have every right to feel them and address them, as opposed to feeling guilty and scared by them. Need more encouragement and support? Check out the rest of our blogs for some great resources and tips on how to be the calm, happy mom that you want to be!

Stacy Randall

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