I’m not sure which is worse, putting our children into childcare so that we can work all day, or spending all day at home with our children whilst ignoring them 70-90% of the time so that we can work. Either way, working mom guilt is sure to have ravaged your heart at some point.
I am a member of the latter party. Working from home with my toddler has been both a blessing and a curse. I get to eat with my daughter, hug her when she falls over, teach her new words, and read stories when I have the chance. But the other side of this set-up is that Netflix is my babysitter, I catch myself saying ‘mommy’s busy’ or ‘I just need to…’ way more often than I would like to, and I hate it!
I am, however, one of the lucky ones who has been able to reduce their workload, find a more efficient way of working, and can close the laptop for good no later than 10.30 every morning. I might then slip in a little bit of work when my partner comes home and can take over parenting duties. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t continue to feel terrible when my daughter spends her first sleepy, cuddly hours sitting on the sofa and watching cartoons whilst I work.
Working mom guilt hits me from so many different angles that I sometimes feel all-consumed by it and by my inability to spend every waking moment with my daughter.
Sure, I get to be at home with her every day, but working mom guilt makes me feel bad for not sending her to nursery - a place where she would have constant interaction and social opportunities. Because working from home means that I can’t give her that. Which is a horrible realization.
Suffering from working mom guilt, or any kind of mom guilt leaves us in an incredibly lonely place. Nobody can take that guilt away. And though opening up to a friend might make us feel better for a while, we then go back to working mom life where the all-consuming guilt quickly descends on us once more.
Our partners reassure us that we’re doing our best, our moms tell us that they had the same problems, and our friends remind us that motherhood is hard, and not to be so harsh on ourselves. But we are the only people that can relieve working mom guilt, and bring ourselves out of such a horribly negative place.
I could tell you that you’re doing your best and not to worry, but I would be a hypocrite. Because I spend every day feeling the exact same way!
MamaZen is a powerful tool for moms that doesn’t try to fix the problem for us but instead helps us to discover relief from mom guilt for ourselves. Of course, the sessions tell us how well we are doing as moms, and how we are enough. But by using hypnotherapy, we begin to really feel this inside of ourselves. ‘Working Mom Guilt’ is one of my favorite sessions on MamaZen - primarily because it’s exactly what I need to hear every day!
Let’s stop feeling bad about our working life and start to tune into the root of the working mom guilt that we feel. We all know that feeling guilty is pointless, but that’s not enough to change it. Using hypnotherapy allows us to let our guard down and more easily be influenced by positive thoughts.
Moreover, open up about it! Let’s start talking to our mom friends and our family members about the fact that we don’t think we’re doing enough. Admitting that we feel inadequate in any area of motherhood is one of the hardest things to do. And that’s exactly why we need to do it.
We can create space for imperfect motherhood simply by being ourselves and by being honest about the trials of being a parent. Because not one person considers parenthood to be smooth sailing. Even if they look like they’re rocking it, they’re probably not. Let’s be real.
I encourage you to nip your mom's guilt in the bud as soon as possible. It’s crippling, it makes us grumpy, and it achieves nothing. I’m going to tattoo those last couple of sentences on my forearm so that I remember it for myself.
It’s hard, it’s SO hard. But using an app such as MamaZen can make it easier. After all, at the end of the day we have to pay the bills, let’s not feel guilty about it.
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